There is a child development theory called ‘disequilibrium’. (I believe it is actually based on Piaget’s work, so there might actually be some basis for it.) Either way, I quite like this theory as it explains why the hell my children are goddam hard work for months, and then turn back into the angels I know they can be. Pretty much the theory goes that on the half birthdays (e.g. 2.5, 3.5, 4.5…) the children are in a state of disequilibrium – their minds and bodies are learning and changing, and consequently their behaviour is shite. At their birthdays they settle down and things are much easier.. for six months until the next wave hits 😦
I found 3.5 a particularly challenging age but don’t want to say the hardest ever, I’ll wait until 4.5 is over first, it’s a hot contender. I don’t know if I can explain what I find most difficult. It could be the defiance. Or maybe the aggression. Or it could be the unpredictable nature of his responses. Actually I think it’s the combination. Every. Goddam. Day.
I think compounding it all is the fact that my second child is also in a state of disequilibrium at age 2.5. He can throw a tantrum over the wrong sock, scream because it’s his turn (even though he wasn’t anywhere near it), or cry because he wants a mummy/daddy cuddle and the wrong parent is comforting him (or cut his toast the wrong way). Sigh.
And then there’s the new found power that my 4.5 yo has. Mainly to make his brother cry. This could be by telling him he’s playing the game wrong (because clearly a 4.5yo knows EVERYTHING), by taking what The Toddler was playing with and running around the house laughing, or maybe by telling The Toddler that he doesn’t want to play with him (or runs away yelling ‘don’t chase me!!’). I feel like I’m a referee most of the time these days – stopping waring football teams from killing each other while calmly reminding them of the rules.
My mantras involve ‘things will get easier’, ‘this too shall pass’ and to remain ‘unruffled‘. But mostly I try to get us out of the house, chat to friends, and drink (wine, tea, coffee and gin are all acceptable responses at any time of day right?!). I also try to hold on to the beautiful (although often fleeting) moments – of them playing together well, of morning snuggles (ideally after 6am please Toddler!), of kindness and compassion, of reading together and of laughter. That’s possibly the best cure for all of us.